Joke Thread

[admin8]

In a silly mood today and thought it might be cool to start a joke thread - as i do love a good joke.

Did you know Bill Gates named his company after his dick?

[dramirez]

oh no not admin's jokes....

[The Fox]

A guy walks into the psychiatrist office wearing only Clingfilm for shorts. The shrink says, 'Well, I can clearly see you're nuts.'

[admin8]

hahaha - thank you the fox! great joke!

[The Fox]

I've got loads of one liners, don't tempt me ;-)

[scottb]

Q: What do you call a woman with two c**ts?
A: N-Dubz.

[The Fox]

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf . He said, 'No, the steaks are too high.'

[admin8]

Celine Dion walks into a bar and the barman says "Whats with the long face"? :)

[The Fox]

Guy goes into the doctor's. 'Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my bottom.'
'How's that?'
'Don't you start.'

[admin8]

Top ten best jokes judged at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe

1) Tim Vine: "I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

2) David Gibson - "I'm currently dating a couple of anorexics. Two birds, one stone."

3) Emo Philips - "I picked up a hitchhiker. You've got to when you hit them."

4) Jack Whitehall - "I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."

5) Gary Delaney - "As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog."

6) John Bishop - "Being an England supporter is like being the over-optimistic parents of the fat kid on sports day."

7) Bo Burnham - "What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names."

8) Gary Delaney - "Dave drowned. So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. Well, it's what he would have wanted."

9) Robert White - "For Vanessa Feltz, life is like a box of chocolates: empty."

10) Gareth Richards - "Wooden spoons are great. You can either use them to prepare food, or, if you can't be bothered with that, just write a number on one and walk into a pub…"

[Point Zero]

Very good lol ..... u kill me :)


Lisa Lampanelli: Brad Pitt may favor death penalty after BP oil spill. Says execs should hafta watch “Meet Joe Black” over & over til they kill themselves!

[tomflynn]

I Went into the Butchers the other day, and the man behind the counter said " I bet you can't guess the weight of that meat on the top shelf over there", i said "I'm not playing this game, the steaks are too high!" :D

[admin8]

How many Spaniards does it take to change a lightbulb?


Juan :)

[tomflynn]

I wanted to be a milkman......But i didn't have the bottle....... :D

[admin8]

http://www.dramirez.co.uk/images/forum/1.jpg

[tomflynn]

LOL leave my dog alone!

[scottb]

Q: What's the difference between Basil Brush and a suicide bomber?

A: A suicide bomber only goes "boom" once.

[scottb]

Deadmau5 will gig anywhere nowadays ;)

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-oxfordshire-11419498

[scottb]

Saw a quote today that made me laugh "If Pac-Man had affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music"